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Keys to a Successful Wedding
A wedding is the biggest event most people will ever
plan, endure, or enjoy. Many books have been written about Wedding
Planning and are filled with innumerable tips.
But, let's tackle this subject bravely as we first declare that if
you have never planned a wedding before, do not underestimate how
much you will have to spend, and how far ahead of the date you
should plan!
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Your wedding is a show - this is show business.
This may sound crass or insensitive but let's get real. Your
obligation is to put on a show that impresses the women, period.
Forget about the fathers, the brothers, the uncles, the male
business associates invited - plan your wedding specifically for
the women planned to be in attendance. Give the women a good
show and your wedding will be a success, guaranteed.
- There is no specific dollar range that ensures success. You
can blow tens of thousands and have a public relations disaster.
On the other hand, don't get hysterical about the cost of
everything. And these days you are free to talk about having
both families help absorb the cost.
- It is an axiom that nothing guarantees success, but a lack
of planning will guarantee dismal failure. So plan, plan, plan
for every detail and put it neatly and legibly on paper.
- The more months you have to plan the more options you have
for everything, including some room to re-negotiate with certain
vendors.
- When planning the date consider:
- The weather
- Whether the most important people have scheduled
commitments for that day that they cannot change
- Whether some huge event in your town may interfere with
traffic patterns around your wedding location or reception
- Whether a close by Holiday may make air travel or
transportation problematic as far as having people in town on
time. For instance, if you live in New Orleans, a wedding in
the French Quarter during Mardi Gras is asking for trouble.
- If a number of relatives and friends are having to fly in,
check with some local hotels or motels as far as a group rate
for those dates and let people know right away.
- Get specific contracts with your vendors - bands, DJ,
florists, caterers, bakery - have everything in writing. And ask
for additional costs that could be charged to you such as
traveling, over time, sales tax. Insist on all the details in
the contract. Be suspicious if your vendor doesn't like this.
- When negotiating on a wedding photography package, specify
to your photographer that you want a very efficient picture
taking schedule. Concentrate on photos. Don't schmooze with the
photographer if it distracts them from getting the next shot.
Put into the printed schedule when and where the photo sessions
are taking place before and after the ceremony. Appeal firmly to
the wedding party and relatives you want in the photos to go
immediately to these locations so that you don't waste precious
time trying to round up everybody scattered all over the
property. Your guests are waiting patiently for the photography
to be finished. Also, remember that your caterer at the
reception hall is depending on you sticking to your schedule to
show up so that food will be at its peak.
- When planning the ceremony you should certainly try to
personalize your ceremony. However, please don't fall into
excess: such as three or four voice solos, extended memorized
speeches or poems, or singing songs to each other. Your emotions
WILL sneak up on you, no matter how calm you are even through a
wedding rehearsal the night before. Nine out of 10 couples will
blubber uncontrollably at the moment they are under pressure to
face each other and perform. Yes, a wedding is a show, but keep
it from being your take on Oscar night.
- Weigh the cuteness factor versus the unpredictability factor
when thinking about using children in the ceremony under the age
of five. They have notoriously small attention spans during the
boredom of dry clerical recitations.
- If you plan to have a friend or relative read a poem or
selection during the ceremony please have a rehearsal reading to
check for mispronounced words and clarity. And for the love of
all, make it short!
- Make sure the groom has some involvement in the planning,
even if you have utterly no respect for his judgment!
- To go with that, enjoy the planning and don't fight with
anybody!
- Understand that this wedding is also the joining of two
entire families. If you are different in religion, background or
culture, celebrate each side's uniqueness and emphasize the
things in common - love for the bride and groom, for instance.
- Tactfully make sure the mothers understand that this is YOUR
wedding. If you have reached a sticking point about something
that you don't want to do that your mother does, back off and
think carefully and as logically as possible. Where possible
give in on some detail if it would make you happier to see your
mother's satisfaction than to get your own way. But, if it's
something that you absolutely have your own heart set on, we
encourage you to cry uncontrollably until you get your own way.
- For the day of the wedding the bride should have a bag
packed for the church and reception that assumes she's staying
overnight for two days. An emergency pair of this and that, plus
white chalk for touching up smudges on white shirts, blouses,
and dresses.
- When it comes to a bachelor party or even bachelorette
party, discuss your feelings with each other. Agree not to do
things that will get you off on the wrong foot with each other.
Be sensitive to each other's feelings but not too sensitive to
your own. And give each other a little space, a little wiggle
room, since both of you may be under some alcoholic influence as
you blow off a little steam. Have a sense of humor about each
other's night out with the guys or gals.
- Save yourself money and don't bring your checkbook to the
wedding. Let your vendors know that you will mail them the
remainder of the balance after the wedding. Having a checkbook
handy may set you up for getting "hustled" for extra expenses
while you are in a giddy mood.
- Don't plan to leave on your honeymoon immediately. This
invites disappointment and ill feelings since both of you will
be extremely exhausted right after the wedding. Wait a few days,
open gifts, sleep in late, slow down and rest before you pack
and take off on your honeymoon.
- To wrap up - use patience, plan, plan, write it down, get
the details, divide work into teams, compromise where needed,
give yourself months and months to organize, and enjoy the
planning process itself. And never assume anything, check, and
double check for all contingencies and possible snags and
emergencies. Plan how you will cope and overcome these if they
happen - WHEN they happen!
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